I haven’t been diagnosed with depression,
but for a while now, I’ve been feeling low in a way that’s hard to explain.
I often feel “kind of depressed,” and that feeling doesn’t really go away.
My motivation and energy are almost gone.
Things I could normally do without thinking now feel extremely difficult.
Today, instead of forcing myself to be positive,
I want to think about what I can do in this state.
Mornings are especially hard.
From the moment I wake up, my body feels heavy,
like I didn’t sleep at all.
Before, I would usually feel better after a few hours,
but recently there are many days when I feel tired all day long.
I work as a freelancer,
so there are mornings when I have to cancel or reschedule work.
After that, I lie down again,
but I can’t really fall asleep or get up properly.
As time passes, anxiety and irritation slowly build up.
At that point, I feel like I’m standing at a crossroads.
Do I give up on the day
and decide that today is just a day to sleep?
Or do I ask myself
what I can do, even just a little?
From my past experience,
if I feel even slightly able to leave the house,
I try to go outside and take a walk.
I’ve heard that walking more than 7,500 steps a day
can lower the risk of lifestyle-related diseases.
But more than that,
I just try to walk slowly, at my own pace.
I can listen to music or podcasts while walking,
but when my mood is bad,
I prefer not to listen to anything.
Information coming in through my ears
can also be stressful for the brain.
Natural sounds—like birds or the wind—often feel more calming.
Even if it feels hard at first,
after walking for a while,
my body starts to feel lighter.
When that happens,
I think about what I’ll do after I get home.
That said, if I walk too much,
I get tired and end up lying down again after I return.
So I try to stop while I still have some energy left
and head home.
Once I’m home,
it doesn’t really matter what I do.
Studying, reading, doing housework—anything is fine.
I just try to do one thing.
I’ve noticed that even completing one small task
greatly increases my sense of accomplishment for the day.
Whether I feel good or bad,
I try to go outside and walk every day
to improve blood flow and keep my body moving.
This isn’t a story about feeling better or “getting cured.”
But compared to a day when I do nothing at all,
a day when I move even a little
feels slightly easier when I look back on it later.
On hard days, I try to accept that they are hard days.
I’ll just do what I can,
and leave it at that.
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