— Thinking About the Difference Between Authenticity and Selfishness
1. What Does It Mean to Live as Yourself?
Recently, I often hear people say, “It’s important to live true to yourself.”
But what does “being yourself” actually mean? I spent some time thinking about this.
After reflecting on it in my own way, I came to this conclusion:
Living as yourself means being in a state where you are not forcing yourself.
Living freely, doing only what you like, not caring about others—
these images are often confused with “being yourself.”
However, I feel that authenticity is something slightly different.
Living true to yourself is not so much about what you want to do,
but rather about honestly recognizing
what makes you feel strained, pressured, or exhausted.
2. Why Do We So Easily Lose Ourselves?
We constantly compare ourselves with others.
And we care deeply about how others see us.
Human beings are made to live within groups,
so I believe this is the biggest reason.
If you belong to an organization like a company,
it’s difficult to avoid caring about others’ evaluations.
In Japan especially, society places great importance on harmony.
The majority opinion often takes priority over individual views.
Living in such an environment for a long time
can make us accustomed to suppressing ourselves.
I wasn’t able to fit well into that environment.
Fortunately, I was able to choose a path as a freelancer.
When I look at my Western friends,
they have clear opinions and express them openly.
Of course, they listen to others,
but they rarely adjust themselves to the point of self-denial.
I find their way of living very instructive.
3. A Time I Failed by Trying Too Hard to Fit In
When I was in my twenties, I tried to get a girlfriend.
I joined group dating events and went out for lunch or coffee
with people I had just met.
Each time, I tried to play the role of a “cool version of myself,”
and honestly, it was exhausting.
I’m sure the people I met could sense that I was forcing it.
As expected, things rarely worked out.
I began to dislike the part of myself
that cared too much about others’ evaluations.
Even if I had managed to start a relationship,
I doubt it would have lasted long.
From that time on, I started thinking,
“I want to live more honestly, more like myself.”
I realized that I value personal space highly,
and that living authentically might make relationships harder to form.
Even so, I felt that was better
than living under constant stress.
4. Authenticity Is Not the Same as Selfishness
Some people might say,
“You’re just selfish—that’s why you can’t adapt to women,”
or
“You simply can’t survive in Japanese society.”
So what is selfishness?
I think selfishness is prioritizing your own desires above everything else,
without regard for responsibility or for others.
It’s an attitude that says,
“As long as my desires are satisfied, that’s all that matters.”
But living that way ultimately causes suffering for oneself.
Realizing this, I chose to keep some distance from group-oriented behavior
in order to protect my sense of self.
If you are seriously asking yourself,
“Is this selfishness, or is this being true to who I am?”
then I believe that, in itself,
you are probably not being selfish.
5. What I Try to Keep in Mind (A Biblical Perspective)
The Bible has also encouraged me to live authentically.
Romans 12:6 says that
“We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.”
This means that each person has a different nature and role.
There is no need to compare ourselves with others.
Living out the role given to us—
that, I came to believe, is what it means to live as ourselves.
The Bible does not deny caring for oneself.
In Matthew 22:39, Jesus says:
“Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Self-understanding and self-respect are assumed,
and from there, that love is extended to others.
At the same time, the Bible warns against self-centered living.
In Romans 15:1–3,
we are taught to live not to please ourselves,
but to please God and our neighbors.
Through these passages,
I feel that the Bible affirms an authenticity
that is not selfish.
I believe that within such a way of life,
the best possible life is found.
When you feel that you “can’t be yourself,”
is it really because you are selfish?
Or is it because you have been forcing yourself for too long?
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